


Let Me Hold You

by feeair



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pain, Self-Harm, i guess, nice ending, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 00:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11116185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feeair/pseuds/feeair
Summary: Lena finds Kara trying to hurt herself and holds her.





	Let Me Hold You

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE TAGS. This fic is about self harm, a large part of the focus is self harm and please don't read if that's not going to be okay for you.

Kara was trying to do her breathing techniques that Alex had taught her. She knew these thoughts, she recognised them, and knew they weren't healthy, but she couldn't bring herself to ignore them. Nearly two weeks ago she had let a building collapse. She hadn't been strong enough. Or quick enough. Or good enough. And people had died.

People had died.

People had died.

Kara needed to breathe but she was really losing control now. Every night since the event the thoughts had been coming back into her brain. Thoughts she'd managed to control previously. Pain suddenly registered in her brain as she realised she was biting down on her first finger, and she didn't remember even starting to do that. Unclenching her jaw, she released her finger. 

"Fuck." Kara muttered the swearword, staring at her haggard appearance in the mirror. The shadows were clear under her eyes, her cheekbones were starting to stand out more clearly and she felt like shit. She closed her eyes and sighed. Her brain was doing an absolute number on her.

The skin on her arms was itching. Kara could feel herself wanting to scratch. She started to but the feeling just wasn't enough and Kara knew what she wanted. Heading towards the bedroom she lifted the covers revealing the underneath of her bed. She pulled out the classified DEO box and already she started to feel light headed. Opening up the box she pulled out the small kryptonite crystal. She held it tightly in her palm and the burning sensation started to spread through her.

The kryptonite was spreading through her system and the burning was delicious but it just wasn't enough. Kara pulled her sleeves up and dragged the sharp edge across her skin. A small red line appeared with little beads of blood showing along it. The stinging was there for a moment but quickly subsided so Kara did it again. And again. The kryptonite continuing to affect her. Her head was beginning to feel heavier and finally the thoughts were slowing down. She was just beginning to feel she could perhaps stop and go to sleep when she heard her voice. 

"Kara? Kara sweetie are you home?" 

Kara could barely raise her head but panic was still flooding her system. Lena wasn't supposed to be at home. She was supposed on a business trip for another week and a half. Kara didn't have the strength to move and she knew she looked a state but as she tried to lift her head she passed out.

"Kara?" Lena looked through the apartment, knowing her girlfriend must be home because the door was unlocked, and yet she hadn't responded to her. Looking around she noticed the bedroom door was open and headed towards it. Lena pushed the door open gently, an uneasy feeling gripping her. As soon as she saw Kara slumped over Lena was by her side in an instant.

"Kara? Kara! Kara honey can you hear me?" Lena cradled Kara into her lap, noticing the streaks of red covering her arms, and the dull green light emanating from the girl's clenched fist. Kara's eyes opened but they were unfocused.

"Lena?" Lena looked down at Kara. She realised immediately that Kara was using kryptonite to hurt herself and tried to pry open the fist clenching the crystal, but Kara was clearly using her supergirl strength. Lena gently rubbed the tops of Kara's arms, frowning. The last time Kara had self harmed was nearly nine months ago and she didn't know what had brought this back on. 

"Kara I need you to open your hand for me. Can you do that baby?" Kara frowned. Open her hand? Why did she need to open her hand? She was feeling really sleepy and she just wanted to close her eyes.

"Kara I need you to focus on me and open your hand." Kara really was getting frustrated with Lena's constant talking. What was she asking? Something about opening her hand. She blinked rapidly and tried to focus on her words. She realised that her right fist was clenching something that was digging into her hand. Was that what Lena meant? Kara focused on unclenching her fist and slowly her hand opened. Lena quickly grabbed the kryptonite from Kara before she could clasp it again and searched for the DEO box that Lena knew must be near. She spotted it lying partially under the bed, and opened it, placing the kryptonite inside and closing it firmly again. Lena knew the box was specially lined so that the effects would start wearing off.

With the kryptonite safely sealed away Lena began to relax and she set to work on cleaning Kara up. She started by lifting Kara up onto their bed, before heading into the bathroom. She searched for the first aid kit she kept at Kara's place and upon finding it, returned to Kara. She pulled out the antiseptic wipes and started wiping the cuts covering her arms. Kara whimpered, the sting from the wipes beginning to rouse her from her groggy state.

"Sorry sweetheart but we have to clean these." Kara drew in a particularly sharp breath as Lena cleaned the largest cut. After finishing, Lena grabbed some plasters ans bandages. She knew as soon as the kryptonite wore off and Kara was back in the light that they'd be fine, but Lena was still worried. Kara felt like a complete failure. How could she have done this again? How could she have let Lena find her like this? 

"Kara? Can you tell me what's going on?" Kara didn't speak, choosing instead to snuggle into Lena's arms. She began to cry quietly, and Lena's heart broke a little. 

"I'm sorry." Kara choked the words out and Lena just listened.

"I'm sorry you- I'm sorry."

"What happened Kara?" Lena still spoke gently, but was slightly more insistent with her tone.

"I can't stop thinking about the-- the building." Lena knew immediately what Kara was talking about. The incident had happened nearly two weeks ago. Kara hadn't been feeling well and so she'd decided to switch off her headset for a few hours so she could sleep uninterrupted. It resulted in her arriving to a major alien attack slightly too late to save everyone. Kara had previously struggled with feelings of uselessness but she'd been getting better. It seemed this incident had caused a bigger setback than anyone realised.

"It's okay Kara. You're okay."

"It's not okay, I shouldn't be okay."

"Do not say that about yourself."

"But people died because of me!"

"No Kara. People died because of a rogue alien. People are living because of you." Kara broke at Lena's words. Tears streaming down her face and full sobs racking her body. Lena held her until she was still.

"Kara sweetie, you know I'm going to come to the DEO with you tomorrow, to make sure the kryptonite goes back?" Kara nodded.

"Are you okay?" Kara nodded again, and Lena looked her over. Satisfied the younger girl was telling the truth, Lena tucked her into bed. She went to go and put the first aid kit away, but a hand on her wrist stopped her.

"Please." Lena turned to Kara.

"Please don't leave me." Tears started welling in Kara's eyes again and Lena was fully by her side in an instant. She tucked herself in next to Kara, allowing the younger girl to rest back in to her. Lena was stroking Kara's hair as she felt Kara's heartbeat slow and heard her breath level out. Lena was releived that Kara was finally relaxing, but worried about the state she'd found her in. Moving slowly, so as not to wake Kara, Lena grabbed her phone and found Alex's number. She sent a quick text.

_Lena:_ **Alex,** **we need to search the apartment again. Kara was not okay. She's fine now but I'll be coming to the DEO tomorrow to hand in Kryptonite with her.**

Lena waited for the response she knew was coming.

_Alex:_ **How bad?**

_Lena:_ **Not good.**

_Alex:_ **But she's fine now?**

_Lena:_   **I promise.**

_Alex:_ **Thanks Lena. I'll meet you in the morning.**

Lena put her phone back down on the bedside table, and snuggled back into Kara. She knew they were in for a tough few months again, but Kara was constantly improving and always trying to get better, and Lena had promised to stay be her side.

She'd be damned if that promise was broken.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear your thoughts on this fic, I don't know, I guess I kind of read a lot into what I'd feel like if I had the pressure Kara has on a daily basis.


End file.
